you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
where are you?
Hypothermia
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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