considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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