Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
