your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
