I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
