This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
