dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
