I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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