she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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