tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
