from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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