the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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