I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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