My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
