He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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