im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
