Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
