stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
