Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
