The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
