I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
