i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
