Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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