At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
