so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
