I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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