whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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