I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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