So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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