So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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