Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
