she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
