My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
