I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
