I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
