My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
