I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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