so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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