Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
