oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
