if you like me you must not know who I am
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
