last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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