I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
