doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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