The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
