Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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