dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just pee around me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
