i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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