I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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