How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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