R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
