When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
