Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
